New Hobby

I bought my first DSLR camera this past Thursday online and it arrived yesterday. It is the Canon Rebel T1i or the 500D (in the U.K) with a 18 - 55mm lens. The transcend 8GB SDHC class 6 memory card I bought for it, has not arrive yet. Therefore, I'm unable to start taking pictures away, so I'll stick to the reading, and studying the manuals and watching tutorial videos online for now.

I've only seen a couple of videos online about basic stuff. Like how to insert the lens, install the battery and so forth. I've also watched a video explaining all the basic functions of the camera and what each function on the mode dial is for. I've yet to know how to use each one of those functions to its max, but I'm sure I'll get to know my camera to its full extent eventually.

I'm off now to go and read the whole manual and be prepare for when my memory card arrives to start taking my first shots with my new acquisition.

I will post some picture and thoughts I might have of my new picture taking experience as I learn. Hopefully I'll get to see my progress and you guys can give me improvement tips as well.

Till next post!!

Decisions

The time to make a monumental decision in my life has arrived. This is when I should decide whether to think with my head or just let my heart guide me. I am unsure on what to do, how to act, and what to decide.

My choices are:

Three months in foreign soil, discovering the world, tasting different cultures, and recognizing and admiring others perspectives to life.

OR

Set ground once and for all, and buy my own place. Stop with all the wondering, all the dreams, and wilderness. This will signify the start of my own grown up life. While my own place will give me liberty, it will make me prisoner of the status quo. My own flat will give me the taste of maturity and responsibility to a greater level; but at what cost? Will it deprive me of experiencing an unique type of life at 23 years old. It will take away the feeling of total independence from this first world system that I've grown tired of.

Although it may seem like subconsciously I've made a decision in my head to live in foreign soil for three months of my life, I still have my doubts. I am unsure whether this decision will just leave me broke after sucking every single penny out of my bank account and slow down my search for a decent job in life. On the other hand, it might help me grow older, it might provide me with the sufficient tools to defend my idea of an unified world. The ability to love every society, culture and system, care for every single human being, and help those in need.

To go or not to go? That is the question.... or something like that.

Nacasoca

Unexpectedly Nostalgic

It is 5:30am on a Sunday. It's getting warm outside and the need for a jacket is no longer necessary.

While watching a movie tonight, I heard some people screaming. I turned my TV off and indeed some couple were screaming their lungs out. They were arguing right outside my window. Yelling and making no sense. From what I could gathered, the reason they were arguing was because she had done something wrong at some party and he did not want to listen her out, so she keep on yelling at him, trying to explain why she had done what she did, but he wouldn't listen. He would just yell back at her to get inside his car, because she was waking all the neighbors up. At first, I found the whole situation funny. Until it stroked me. I had lived that same quarrel at some point in my life. It hit me hard. I no longer found it funny to be listening to them. I found myself thinking back at that similar moment I had had, and all the feelings came back rushing, and now I was sick to my stomach, again.

It's interesting how human beings can go on with their lives everyday while blocking unwanted memories from the past. How we can go day by day and not think or remember an embarrassing moment, or some shameful situation we have been in. How we learn to push all those memories to the back of our head and even believe that we are able to forget them at one point. But then one day, one good day, when you least expect it, BAM! it all comes back to you. Haunting you. Tormenting you, again.

These are the moments when I wish 'Lacuna, INC.' would exist in real life. No need to say more.

shamefully

what a fool I have made of myself

what a shame tonight I am of my pride

for I belong to someone that deserves

everything but the tears I cry tonight

I do not regret the past that we shared

I regret how dependent of your emotions I am

the response of your approval which I crave

the need to feel how much you desire of me

depression is too much, to keep on taking for so long

I am exahusted of my shameful feelings over you

I am disappointed of my willingness to forgive you

tonight I do not want to revive this love

would there ever be a day to find someone else?

would there ever be a time to enjoy a night?

would there ever be an occasion to believe in my expectations?

hopefully there is and you would be there with me.

to share this poem and we can both be who we want to be. not shamefully.